A Lonely Night
by creepweirdoloser
Summary: Even if he was feeling better when he was drunk, that didn't mean that certain face would just vanish from his mind. RoyEd


**A Lonely Night******

**A/N: Lately I've been listening to Keith Urban's song **_**Tonight I Wanna Cry **_**on repeat… and so I got inspiration to write this little one-shot. I'm such a meanie for always writing Roy to be the one suffering. D_: Sorry, Roy!**

**Roy: *pouts* why does it always have to be ME, why don't you let Ed suffer for a change?  
>Me: Eh… Think about the pros!<br>Roy: Pros…? You're kidding, right? *digs out the gloves*  
>Me: Um…! Ed can comfort you, right?<br>Ed: What the fuck?  
>Roy: … good point. *grins* Come on now, Ed, comfort me<br>Ed: Huh? Get your hands off, you fucking bastard, OI, somebody get him the fuck away!  
>Me: *grinning* oh come on, Ed, just think about the pros…<br>Ed: PUT ME DOWN, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS YOU GODDAMN -  
>Me: *watches and grins like an idiot as Roy drags the screaming Ed in the bedroom*<br>Oh right, this fic…!**

**So… this is pretty angsty but I just wanted to write angsty stuff so yeah. I don't think this turned out to be so good but it's just something short and angsty so… oh well. Maybe my next fic should be about Ed comforting Roy… 8)**

Roy sighed and opened yet another bottle of wine. He knew he shouldn't for he was already drunk enough and if he went on like that, in the morning he would have a huge headache –again. But once again, he just couldn't bring himself to care. He just didn't know any other way to handle his feelings and problems. That was why he always grabbed the wine bottle, hoping that it would make it all vanish – even just for a while. But it never did, not completely. Even if he was feeling better when he was drunk, that didn't mean that certain face would just vanish from his mind.

It didn't take long for that bottle to go empty too. Roy got up on his shaky legs and he swayed to the small drawer and grabbed Maes' photo which had been lying there for many years.  
>"See this, old pal…? I know I'm being pathetic, again… You'd kick some sense in me, if you were here, wouldn't you? But you're not… so, I'm just pathetic like this. Sorry. It's just that… it seems like I'll never feel anything for anyone else… You'd know what I mean. Gracia was the only one for you, right? So you get it when I say that he's the only one for <em>me<em>. But you still don't know - how it is when _you're_ not the one for that someone… It fucking hurts, Maes."

Roy stopped his slurring and the silence fell in. "So fucking quiet…" He clicked the radio on and leaned his head against the wall. It used to be so noisy around in that house… but back then, Roy wasn't alone.

_I'll never get over you walking away…_

The lyrics of the sad songs suddenly struck Roy's drunken mind and he realized that it really was damn sad, knowing that the lyrics were so familiar to him. Roy's fingers moved as if it was a reflex, opening the drawer. He pulled out a book about alchemy and a picture fell down from inside of the book and Roy picked it up, touching the familiar face to him, wanting to yell, wanting to throw _anything_, wanting to burn the whole house down… wanting to cry. But he couldn't. He had not cried once after Ishval. He didn't want to and he didn't have the need to. He had been so sure that he wasn't even capable to… But now he just couldn't hold it inside; he wanted to let all that pain out of his system.

Seeing Ed in the picture, smiling that way too beautiful smile of his… it didn't make Roy's longing disappear – it only increased it. But he couldn't help but cherishing it, for it was the only thing Roy had left of Ed. Roy was sure that it was one of those rare pictures where Ed was smiling so easily… because he hadn't noticed that Maes had taken a picture. Because in the picture, he was looking at _Roy_. To know that by looking at him, Ed had once smiled like that… Roy had been sure that in the world, nothing could hurt him more than those memories of Ishval but… memories of Ed hurt like hell too.

Roy rummaged the drawer, finding his gloves. He put one of them on and stared at the picture. He would burn it now… For all those years he had been so pathetic, holding on to that one picture, without being able to throw it away. Perhaps, if that one reminder of Ed would be gone, Roy could finally move on, forget about him…

Forget the way he smiled just like that… the way his hair felt so soft when Roy rang his fingers through it. The way Ed turned red from anger and got so easily mad if someone just mentioned the word 'short'. The way Ed was trying to hide his embarrassment from Roy and how he finally gave him, letting Roy see right through him. The way he tasted and how he clanged onto Roy and how Roy could be able to make his nightmares disappear. The way Ed lied in the bed, reading an alchemy book. The way he knit his brows while being concentrated on something. The way he grinned when they shared their suggestive comments and no one else realized the meaning behind them.

And then those things which were painful to even to think about… Ed, suddenly drifting away, he was close, but never there… His eyes, always wandering somewhere else, _to someone _else. And his serious expression when he those words… "I don't think this will work anymore." How he said "sorry" and stood on the door, looking at Roy, hesitating for a while before he just walked away.

Roy sighed deeply, pulling the glove away. "Why can't I just get over you," he mumbled at the picture. "Why is it always you, no one else?" Roy touched Ed's face, smiling a bit. Oh, it just had to be him… And that was why Roy was in so much pain.

Knowing that Ed was perfectly fine, that he wasn't the one with all that suffering… it hurt too. There were times when Roy had almost hoped that something would make Ed feel that pain too, even if it was just for a bit. But now, Roy couldn't even be bitter or angry at him. He only wished that Ed would be happy. Even if it meant that Roy would be miserable for the rest of his life. How he had wanted to keep Ed with him… but if that didn't make Ed happy, what was the point?

Knowing that Ed was happy made Roy satisfied. But that didn't mean he could go on… perhaps he would someday. Or perhaps he would always love only Ed. And Roy knew that he wouldn't move on, not tonight, not for a long time.

All those years he had tried to held himself together, not letting himself fall down, not letting even that one tiny teardrop fall… but that night, in his drunken stake, aching to go back to his memories… Roy let himself cry, even if it was just a few drops. But somehow it made him feel a little better for. And for a moment Roy found himself thinking that he would be just fine, all he needed was time. Fortunately, he had lots and lots of time. 


End file.
